夏の旅updates: Lots of feelings (with plenty of tangents)

I wrote too much so I decided to break this post into two parts– feel free to skip around!

I. Back in Japan! Thoughts and Feelings…
II. Being Filipino-American in Japan

I. Back in Japan! Thoughts and Feelings…

For exactly one month now I’ve been in Japan, and I’ve finally gotten used to the fact that I’ll be here for a while. This is my third time in Japan, and my feelings and experiences have varied from my earlier stays abroad.

The biggest difference is that I’m not here as a student. I’m currently here as a tourist and am planning to switch to a working visa within the next two weeks. I got into a pretty awkward situation at the JFK airport in NY when I told Japan Airlines that I was a tourist with no return ticket. US citizens are allowed to be in the country for up to 90 days on a tourist visa, but you need to have a round trip ticket, or proof that you will in fact be leaving the country. The only reason I did not have a working visa by the time I flew here was because my papers for work had just been processed before my scheduled departure, so I had no time to go to the Japanese consulate. Ah, I didn’t think coming here for vacation before work would be so complicated! If I had just waited for my papers to finish… But anyway, I wanted to get to Japan!

Another strange thing about not being a student and having a set job as a teacher is that I’m supposed to at least appear to be an “adult” now. One of the hardest things about that for me is dressing like an “adult”, to be honest. Most women in Japan wear stylish clothes, a little to a LOT of makeup (fake-eyelashes being a popular item), and fashionable sandals or heels (that can get to staggering heights), but I think makeup is a hassle and I take forever to stumble around in (short) heels. At least I’m still on vacation for a while longer! I’ve been wearing sturdy flip flops this entire time.

A third interesting change from my previous two experiences in Japan is that I have gone through a few stages of emotion in a rapid flurry– what took me a year took me now about three weeks:

  1. Joy, excitement about being in Japan. I’ve missed my friends! And I’ve missed Japanese food!!
  2. Homesickness- mainly missing my family and two dogs
  3. Doubt- wondering if it was really the best decision for me to commit to working in Japan for two whole years
  4. Disillusionment- with Japanese society– particularly the expectations of women, the Japanese definition of what it means to be a woman (for a future blog post!)
  5. Acceptance- knowing that I have a love-hate relationship with Japan, and that even when things get me down or frustrate me, there will be other aspects of life in Japan that’ll enrich my life and make me joyously happy.

I went through a huge range of emotions within just one day of wandering through Tokyo:

  1. Anger and frustration at male-dominance in society and a disturbing, overwhelming prevalence of rape in the Japanese porn and “hentai” industries (as seen just by walking around Akihabara, not necessarily searching for it)
  2. Calm and happiness while walking through Ueno park, then…
  3. …joyous excitement after stumbling upon a huuge parade that had a lot of drumming (including taiko!) and one arts university’s group of 3 over-the-top floats (a pink elephant holding a woman, a giant astronaut, and I-don’t-even-know) whose wackiness and creativity reminded me of Oberlin students and Oberlin’s Big Parade
  4. Extreme sadness at seeing a tiny, sad old homeless woman in Asakusa, while tons of people walked on by…

Phew, I think my emotions need a break.

(The above sounds too negative! I was also really excited about finding a great new purple backpack in Ueno’s アメ横”Ameyoko” shopping area for much cheaper than I’d been seeing while traveling! … though the salesman also said on at least 4 or 5 occasions 「女性にはとっても人気です!」 (“Popular among women!”) which re-inforced my gripe that women are always pushed to act feminine and cute, and irked me almost enough to pick other bags out of spite… again, for a future post!)

AH! This blog post is turning into something much more than an “overview”, but I think we’re starting to cover a lot of info!

II. Being Filipino-American in Japan

This is not really a difference from my first two stays abroad, but one interesting thing about being in Japan is that because I am of Filipino heritage and so of Asian appearance, I don’t get the じろじろ stares, gawks, or casually-passes-by-then-turns-to-look reactions from Japanese people. For me this is a relief, as I’d prefer not to stick out too much and get nervous when strangers look at me. However, while traveling with my Japanese-Australian boyfriend, who really does look Japanese (obviously), I get some pretty funny head-snaps-around-whaaat-just happened?! reactions when we are walking/standing in silence and suddenly bust out the English. I usually casually throw in some Japanese in the best accent possible to let people know that yes, I can understand and speak some Japanese and so you can’t talk about me right next to me.

I’m not completely fluent, but I’ve been studying for a very long time and so am a little proud about it.. I still maintain my personal 2011 study-abroad a policy of speaking only Japanese to Japanese people, and I get a little offended if people offer me the “English menu”.

When I was a student and a little less used to Japan as I am now, I relished the fact that while I blended in, I could also use the “gaijin card” whenever I was in need of help– just by inevitably failing to be fluent. I try not to do that as much now, preferring to try hard to figure things out myself.

Many Filipinos who come to Japan come in search of work, and sadly a huge proportion of those workers turn into bar girls or other. While walking down one particular red-light alley in Ueno, I saw at least 6 signs for Filipino bars. This is really upsetting to me- particularly because not all Filipino women who end up as bar girls meant to come here as such. I have not faced any issues or discrimination from being of Filipino American descent– just curiosity as to how I can look Asian and be American at the same time.

It’s 2:30AM now and I’ve been walking all day.. more next time!

つづく。。。

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